I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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