We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
