ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't turn off my feet"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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