Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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