who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
