You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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