You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
