Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
