You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
