Michael Bay diarrhea
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
