Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
