i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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