you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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