2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
