I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
