I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
