It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
