currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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