I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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