hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
