are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
