i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
