I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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