grandma shit on top of the toilet
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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