I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
