so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
