my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the day after is always just damage control
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
