1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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