I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
