After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
