woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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