i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
