I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
