I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
