i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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