Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
