people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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