so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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