I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
