I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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