:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
