woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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