All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
