She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
