I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
