bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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