YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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