The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
