College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
