My liver just broke up with me...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
