one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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