Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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