I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
