I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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