Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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