U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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